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Home Page received word that the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon will be closed until further notice. The state park will be under quarantine starting tomorrow due to the dangerous migration patterns of a number of species currently residing in the park. Packs of wild jackalopes have been seen hunting near the river, and sightings of woolly mammoths have been reported by a number of park rangers. Residents around the park have been notified and are advised to stay in their homes for the duration of the quarantine.

A recent study has concluded that the gaslights in town are a major contributor to the growing threat of global warming. According to conclusive research by the Wellsboro Historical Analysis Bureau, the carbon monoxide emitted by these lamps contributes to 80% of the country’s harmful emissions. The gaslights will cease functioning by the end of this week.

This past weekend, a discovery was made in Hammond Lake at Ives Run. Numerous sightings have been reported of a creature resembling the infamous Loch Ness Monster. The creature is described as having a long neck with a reptilian head. This news has caused quite a stir in the area, bringing in tourists – who have set up their grills, volleyball nets, and even fireworks to celebrate the occasion.

Happy April Fools Day From All of Us Here At Wellsboro Home Page!